


Maybe This Time Around

by G0NHEES



Category: CIX (Band)
Genre: GonHee, Hanahaki Disease, Light Angst, M/M, also someone teach me how to write proper endings and development, idek how to angst somebody teach me
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 05:40:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21930832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/G0NHEES/pseuds/G0NHEES
Summary: Byounggon suffers from a condition called the Hanahaki Disease. He’s stuck in a ward with people who are in the same situation as him. What if one day he discovers that he’s suddenly rid of that continuous chest pain of his only to have it return tenfold right after?Maybe this time around, he’ll know better.
Relationships: Kim Yonghee/Lee Byounggon | BX
Comments: 1
Kudos: 21





	1. Groggy but.. smiling?

_“Seunghun?” I frantically call out his name as he fills his luggage with his belongings._

_“Please, let’s talk. You don’t have to leave.” I take hold of his wrist to prevent him from going out the door._

_“What’s there to talk about? You know I was going through a breakup and you suddenly tell me you like me?” Seunghun glares at me as I feel myself let go of him and my gaze turns to the floor._

_“What you just expect me to like you back because I was single? That’s just complete bull.” Seunghun adjusts his bag’s strap on his shoulders and heads for the door._

_“No please,” I block him again with my body and grasp his shoulders. “You don’t have to leave. You know you’re my best friend right?” My voice cracks, tears on the verge of falling. “We can just stay that way. No more, no less.”_

_Seunghun shakes his head no and removes both of my hands on his shoulders._

_“I don’t think that’s possible.”_

_“Seunghun, please.”_

_“_ _Seunghun?_ _”_ _I frantically call out his name as he fills his luggage with his belongings._

 _“_ _Please, let_ _’_ _s talk. You don_ _’_ _t have to leave._ _”_ _I take hold of his wrist to prevent him from going out the door._

 _“_ _What_ _’_ _s there to talk about? You know I was going through a breakup and you suddenly tell me you like me?_ _”_ _Seunghun glares at me as I feel myself let go of him and my gaze turns to the floor._

 _“_ _What you just expect me to like you back because I was single? That_ _’_ _s just complete bull._ _”_ _Seunghun adjusts his bag_ _’_ _s strap on his shoulders and heads for the door._

 _“_ _No please,_ _”_ _I block him again with my body and grasp his shoulders._ _“_ _You don_ _’_ _t have to leave. You know you_ _’_ _re my best friend right?_ _”_ _My voice cracks, tears on the verge of falling._ _“_ _We can just stay that way. No more, no less._ _”_

_Seunghun shakes his head no and removes both of my hands on his shoulders._

_“_ _I don_ _’_ _t think that_ _’_ _s possible._ _”_

 _“_ _Seunghun, please._ _”_

_My voice gets louder and I can hear it echo through my head as Seunghun goes out and leaves the door open, leaving me all alone in what used to be our room._

_“_ _Seunghun, please._ _”_

“Please.” I mumble as my eyes flutter open to what sounded like another patient being wheeled into the very same ward i’m in. The Hanahaki Ward.

The Hanahaki Ward wasn’t anything special, but it wasn’t like the rest of the areas in this hospital. The people staying here are considered the not-so-sick patients because there are only several of us here. Most patients that come here choose to undergo surgery immediately. So we aren’t treated specially. Just a couple of visits from the nurses most of the time and a doctor coming by to offer advice to us patients.

A lot of people think it’s just another curable disease and it is indeed. But it’s not that easy. There will be instances that you just completely forget any traces of memory with that person you fell in love with. Imagine the big gap it would cause in your memories. They don’t actually really know what we feel and what we go through here.

I was positioned at the left-most part of the area, only having an unoccupied bed to my left with a curtain in between. The bed to my right is also separated from me with a curtain but is at least three meters away.

_That_ _’_ _s the 7 th one this month. Already the 19th after me. The 13th person that will spend his days here if he weren’t opting for surgery. _I glance at the person being transported and see that it was a boy at least a few years younger than me with golden brown hair. Must be dyed.

As he was being transferred to the bed beside mine, I couldn’t help but notice something off about this kid.

He was groggy, but smiling.

Not that it was a bad thing, but people who are in this ward all know they either won’t be able to love the same person again or die. Both situations aren’t supposed to make you smile.

It was pretty… cute.

I stopped minding and closed my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep and wait ‘til death comes to pick me up.

Yes, I was rejected by my own best friend but I should’ve seen it coming since of course, it was my best friend. It happened a month ago. But I still couldn’t help seeing his face from time to time, leading to the gradual worsening of this condition of mine.

It was funny how I was brought here not because of this stupid illness but because of hypothermia that one night. No matter how much the treatment, it all doesn’t matter because my life span is expected to last until only the end of December. The earliest I could slip away is in three weeks. Why? I’ve been diagnosed with Hanahaki and it won’t be going away anytime soon.

I didn’t expect much since after that incident, I could not afford to make the same mistake again. Not that I could, since I decided I would rather die than repeat an error that would cost me my life. I hope that in my next life, I would know better than to fall for someone who’d never love me the same way I would love them.

“How long have you been here?”

I hesitate to open my eyes but I do so anyway. I face the boy beside me who must be fully awake now.

I stop to clear my throat since I haven’t talked to a lot of people here. Just a few casual greetings here and there but not enough to keep us well-acquainted. Hence, my voice getting a bit hoarse.

“I’ve been here for almost a month and a half now.”

“Name?”

I just stare at the boy beside me, not planning to answer any more of the latter’s questions but the boy was staring right back at me with hazy eyes, still waiting. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting him to boldly ask for my name just like that. So I pause for another few seconds before answering him again.

“Lee Byounggon, 21.”

“I’m Kim Yonghee, 19, and I’m new here.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” I say, attempting to cut the conversation (That is, if you even consider that a conversation) short and try going back to sleep; that sadly wasn’t effective as the lad starts once more.

“It’s quite bothersome, don’t you think? Just because they don’t love you back you’re suddenly dying.”

Instead of answering, I decided to just stay quiet and make the boy think I was asleep so he could just end the conversation himself.

“I honestly think it’s so messed up. Let us love who we want even if it meant we won’t be given the love we expect. It’s not like we don’t know what love is not.” Yonghee then hums softly.

His voice was actually really soft, a tinge of guilt pulled on my conscience for trying to end the conversation. I wait for him to continue asking questions and continue discussing his sentiments but it apparently didn’t come as our area was back to its piercingly silent state. I slowly open an eye and tilt my head to left, taking a small peek. Yonghee was laying back on his bed, eyes closed and breaths steady.

I stifle a laugh. It was amusing how the boy asked so many things and discussed a few sentiments as if he was already familiar with me. It actually kind of bothered me, he asked all those questions just to go back to sleep anyways. Well he did need it, so who am I to complain?

Would he even remember anything he said the moment he wakes up?

That question was so troublesome. I shake my head and disregard the thought. It won’t matter to the boy anyway.

Though I must admit, it was disappointing to know that I had lost a potential friend before we actually even became friends. It was partly my fault anyways. No, it was really my fault.

My eyebrows knit together as I slowly feel an itch slowly make its way up my throat. I immediately grab a handkerchief and place it over my mouth, muffling the cough.

My eyes quickly gaze over the person to my left, sighing in relief when I was sure he hadn’t woken up. I remove the cloth from my mouth and see four cherry blossom petals.

I gently pick up the petals and hold them up to the light, examining each one for an equal amount of time before placing them into a container for the doctors and the nurses to examine later on.

The first to the last petal ranged from a light shade of pink to a dark crimson red respectively. The colors most likely caused by the blood that had dried up from my lungs and stuck to the petals.

I wipe the wet corners of my eyes and clear my throat. Taking the half-empty glass, I gulp down the water and my eyes sting with tears yet again as my throat undergoes another round of misery.

I regret doing so without second thoughts. My throat already hurt enough with it coughing up flower petals, how much more now that I had abused it by swallowing the remaining amount of water?

Waiting for the pain to settle, I look up to prevent the tears that have gathered in my eyes from falling down when I jolt up in shock, eyes wide.

“Does it hurt?”

Yonghee had asked, his position the same as earlier, but he was looking at me. Eyes in a daze, concern still very much evident in his brown orbs.

I heave a sigh before giving him a slight nod.

“Yeah, well. It’s like that sometimes. Well, more like all the time.” He clasps his hand together, blinking slowly. He looks as if he were trying his hardest not to fall back asleep.

“I bet the people we fell for are living their best lives without them knowing the agony we’re left to face for the rest of our lives.”

I observed him, stunned with the words that had just left his mouth. He had a point and that’s what hurt. His point is a fact. It’s the truth. He faced away from me, a faint smile making its way into his face.

“All these people,” His eyes gliding over to the other patients going through the same thing. “Choosing to stay and not let go, even if it meant they had to let go of themselves.”

I face him, blinking. But Yonghee had already fallen back to his slumber. Only this time, it seems like he won’t be waking up anytime soon. He’s that tired, huh? My eyes were on him for quite a while, still astonished at how someone younger could have so much to say.

I rub my throat, unaware that the pain had already soothed. My hand moves down from my throat to the left side of my chest, feeling my heartbeat going slightly out of rhythm.

_My voice gets louder and I can hear it echo through my head as Seunghun goes out and leaves the door open, leaving me all alone in what used to be our room._

_“Seunghun, please.”_

“Please.” I mumble as my eyes flutter open to the sound of what seemed like another patient being wheeled into the very same ward i’m in. The Hanahaki Ward.

That’s the 7th one this month. Already the 19th after me. I glance at the person being transported and see that it was a boy at least a few years younger than me with golden brown hair. Must be dyed.

As he was being transferred to the bed beside mine, I couldn’t help but notice something off about this kid.

He was groggy, but smiling.

Not that it was a bad thing, but people who are in this ward all know they either won’t be able to love the same person again or die. Both situations aren’t supposed to make you smile.

I stopped minding and closed my eyes, wanting to go back to sleep and wait ‘til death comes to pick me up.

Yes, I was rejected by my own best friend but I should’ve seen it coming since of course, it was my best friend. It happened a month ago. But I still couldn’t help seeing his face from time to time, leading to the gradual worsening of this condition of mine.

It was funny how I was brought here not because of this stupid illness but because of hypothermia that one night. No matter how much the treatment, it all doesn’t matter because my life span is expected to last until only the end of December. The earliest I could slip away is in three weeks. Why? I’ve been diagnosed with Hanahaki and it won’t be going away anytime soon.

I didn’t expect much since after that incident, I could not afford to make the same mistake again. Not that I could, since I decided I would rather die than repeat an error that would cost me my life. I hope that in my next life, I would know better than to fall for someone who’d never love me the same way I would love them.

“How long have you been here?”

I hesitate to open my eyes but I do so anyway. I face the boy beside me who must be fully awake now.

“I-“ I stop to clear my throat since I haven’t talked to a lot of people here, just a few casual greetings here and there but not a full conversation. Hence, my voice getting a bit hoarse.

“I’ve been here for almost a month and a half now.”

“Name?”

I just stare at the boy beside me, not planning to answer any more of the latter’s questions but the boy was staring right back at me, still waiting. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting him to boldly ask for my name just like that. So I pause for another few seconds before answering him again.

“Lee Byounggon, 21.”

“I’m Kim Yonghee, 19, and I’m new here.”

“Yeah, I can see that.” I cut the conversation (if you can consider that a conversation, that is) short and try going back to sleep.

I wait for the boy to start asking more questions but it apparently didn’t come. I slowly open an eye and slightly tilt my head to left, taking a small peek. Yonghee was silently reading a book.

Why bother asking my name and how long I’ve been here if he wasn’t going to continue asking anyway? He could’ve just told me if he didn’t want to be friends.

My eyebrows furrow as I stare at the person sitting in the bed beside me when I feel an itch rise up my throat.

Yonghee’s eyes shifted from the book to my face after I coughed up a few flower petals into my hand. He got out of bed to caress my back and handed me the glass of water placed on my bedside.

He takes the petals from my hand and examines them for a good amount of time before placing them into a container for the doctors to examine later on.

I take a sip from the glass and hand it back to him, exhaling a good amount of air.

“Does it hurt?” Yonghee asks, concern evident in those brown orbs of his.

I give a slight nod as he continues to caress my back. I’m not gonna lie, the feeling of being comforted now is better than I last remember.

“Why are you helping me?” I manage to say despite my throat still stinging from coughing up those flower petals.

“It’s not bad to have a friend in need during this time right? I mean, we both know we’re going to die here; why not just make the most of it?” He flashes me a smile before going back to his own bed to continue reading his book.

I rub my throat in hopes of easing the pain even just a little bit. My hands moves down from my throat to my chest feeling my heartbeat slightly going out of rhythm.


	2. Bento Box for Dinner at 3:46 In the Morning?

My eyes flutter open and I could already feel a bead of sweat running down from my forehead. The rims of my eyes stinging. It was pretty evident that I had another nightmare because of my damp cheeks and my body’s sweaty state. My days have been like this for a while now. It’s just a repetitive state of me eating, sleeping, nightmares, repeat.

I turn around to the curtain-covered window overlooking the city and take a peek out. As expected, it was still dark and I could tell that it was still very early. Just like always.

I rise up from the bed and look around. Everyone was fast asleep while I’m awake yet again because of another nightmare. It was honestly so tiring but it’s not like I could just voluntarily get rid of my nightmares.

I put on my slippers and was about to shuffle out of the room to wander the halls again when I barely make out the figure of what seemed to be a bento box on top of my bedside table.

I turn on the lampshade positioned at the corner of my side table and my guess was right, it was a bento box with a little note at the top.

_You were asleep all day so you couldn’t have dinner and I didn’t want to wake you up so here’s some food! :)_

The drums of my heart are echoing so much that I could hear them in my ears. I hadn’t bothered to interact with anyone here and so nobody had bothered to interact with me as well. So to have someone give me as much as a bento box for dinner that I had missed, means that someone was looking out for me although I wasn’t at all concerned with other people’s matters here.

It wasn’t even Christmas yet I already get something worthy of being called a present given from the heart. I give the bento box in my hands a squeeze and shuffled out of the room, muttering a soft “thank you” as I go. Setting a mental reminder for myself to personally thank this mysterious provider.

The halls aren’t actually all that deserted since there are still doctors and nurses on duty, running around checking on patients that needed to be under strict supervision. The people working late nights here are so commendable because they were willing to help so many people even if they have to give up their time supposedly for their families and for rest.

I ended up sitting on a bench facing the Christmas tree they had already set up. You could say I was admiring the glimmering lights emerging from the tree while eating the cold food from the box (not that I was complaining.)

Christmas reminded me a lot of the times I used to spend with my family and sometimes with Seunghun. I was still in contact with my family but it wasn’t frequent. I just sent them a few updates here and there, my reasons for not giving updates were because of how hectic college recently was. Which were all lies because for the past month, all I did was sulk in that ward.

I got my phone out and scrolled through the past messages between me and my mom. I missed her so much but I cannot afford for her to worry about me. I can’t deny the fact that I badly wanted to contact her and my family.

I break into a series of coughs, feeling my chest throbbing due to the exhaustion of it having to frequently send the petals from the slowly growing flower back up my throat.

This is why I can’t and I won’t. It’s for the best.


	3. Intriguing?

I sit up in my bed as the only nurse I truly liked came by to deliver my lunch. I eat here in the ward because I thought that I would be more comfortable eating here than eat in the cafeteria and tolerate all those stares and whispers about my disease being awful and how sad I must be. Besides, I get a chance to talk to the only friend I had made, Seolhee, despite the amount of time I had already spent here.

I particularly liked her because she was one of those who always approached me with a friendly smile. The other remaining nurses always seem to hate us because of the dirty looks on their faces which I absolutely hate. I pull up the small foldable table from beside my bed, allowing Seolhee to set down the dish on top of it.

“Hi, Seolhee. What do we have for lunch today?”

“Well,” she uncovers the dish and my head moves closer to see. It almost seemed as if the dish had travelled in a snowstorm because it was completely covered with what seemed to be white cream.

“It’s reheated Lasagna. Why don’t you give it a try and tell me if it’s any better than the pizza you had yesterday?”

I look up to give her a forced smile and did a double-take on the food in front of me before picking up my fork to try a bite of it.

It wasn’t long before I reach for my water and wash down the hard-edged outer layer of the pasta. I shook my head no, a disappointed expression plastered on my face while she gave me an apologetic look before heaving a sigh.

“I was expecting that. Good thing I brought you this.” She stole a glance at all the other patients who were too busy to mind her and secretly handed me a square-shaped container. I press my lips together as an effort to prevent myself from giving too big of a smile.

“Okay, but I can’t accept this.” I push her container back and lean forward.

“It’s unfair how all the other people in here have to eat whatever this is,” I gesture to the awfully salty and undercooked lasagna. “While you just sneak food for me from outside.” I whisper.

“Hey, this time it’s homemade by yours truly.” She whispers back, gesturing to her face while making sure no one heard us. “And besides, you don’t even get a lot of homemade food because the other nurses don’t do things like this for you. You should be thankful.” She places her hands on her hips, giving off a mom-scolding-their-son vibe.

“Hey, it’s you who should be thankful because I like you not because of the food you make but because you’re kinder than they are. If you brought me food but still acted like a bitch-“

“Language!” She hisses and I clear my throat before continuing, “But still acted like a rude person like all the other nurses, I would hate you.”

Despite my protests, she still places the container into my hands and makes me fold my fingers over it. I just raise a brow at her. “It’s still considered food from outside because it wasn’t made inside this hospital’s kitchen, you know.” I add.

“Whatever. But I do not accept returns so you’re going to have to eat it. Unless you want it to go straight into the trash with all the garbage?” She aims to take back the box but I quickly move my hands away from her reach, not allowing her to take it back.

“Such a waste. I’d rather enjoy what others cannot.” I pout, clutching the box to my chest. I admit it was a pretty selfish thing to say but it was extremely better than just throwing a perfectly good thing away. Just like the people in this ward. Perfectly good people, cast aside to just die.

She rolled her eyes and ruffled my hair muttering an “I thought so” to which I just grumbled teasingly in response.

“Thanks, Seolhee.” She gives me wink and makes her way out of the room. I unfastened the square container and see two neatly cut sandwich triangles. She was about to turn a corner when she comes across Yonghee who must’ve been at the cafeteria for lunch.

I take a bite of the Seolhee’s sandwich which of course was delicious like always as I continue eyeing the two. Yonghee and Seolhee’s conversation lasted longer than I had expected it would. Seolhee’s laugh echoed across the halls causing me to look closer.

The two had their eyes squinted, mouths pulled into smiles. Yonghee and Seolhee were talking and joking around, showing they were very good friends. What intrigued me the most was that Seolhee’s smile while talking to Yonghee gave a different sense of amusement than when she was talking to me. I admit it was a direct hit to my self-esteem but I can’t blame her. I wasn’t even the type to make an effort.

Seolhee finally pats Yonghee’s shoulder, signaling the end of their conversation as she turns the corner. I go back to eating, acting as if I wasn’t trying to eavesdrop on their conversation earlier as the younger enters the ward sipping yogurt milk while holding another extra.

The younger places the unopened drink on my bedside table before picking up a book again and starts reading without saying a word.

_It must be a mistake._

I reach for the milk carton and place it on his table. The way it should have been earlier. I go back to eating when a small thud came from my table.

I turn around to see the box there again on the same spot it was on before I transferred the milk to the table beside it.

I reach for the carton and place it again on the table when not even a couple seconds had passed, Yonghee reaches for the same container and returns it to my table without sparing a single glance to where his hand was reaching for.

I slowly blink my eyes, completely stunned at his stubbornness. I turn my body towards the boy and cross my arms. “What exactly do you want?” I ask with a raised brow.

“What, can’t I give a carton of milk to a friend?” Yonghee grins.

“Oh, so we’re friends now?” My eyes narrow at him as he closes the book with one hand and mirrors the exact position and gesture of my body.

“I know your name, you know mine. Friends.”

I stop to look at him with a fixed expression.

D _id I hear that right?_

“You’re Lee Byounggon. Older than me by a mere three years. I may have also said a bunch of random things to you the first time I came here.”

My lips form into a thin line as I eye the boy yet he just shrugs nonchalantly, obviously unaffected by my look of askance. He remembers? Silence enveloped the atmosphere as the both of us don’t dare to say anything just yet.

“Why are you so eager to be friends with me?”

“What, is it so bad to want to be friends with someone intriguing?” Yonghee fires back with a question.

It honestly seemed like both a compliment and an insult. Compliment because meaning I stood out from the rest, bringing about the attention of the younger unto me and insult because if I weren’t at all any different from the rest, Yonghee would have lesser reasons of getting to know me.

“Intriguing?” I sneer at the word the lad had used to describe me. “How could you find a person like me intriguing? I don’t do much. I’m always hiding away when visitors come around to visit.”

“That, in and of itself is intriguing, which are even more reasons for me to want to be friends with you.”

We share a look; Yonghee had a warm smile tugging at the corner of his lips while I stare at him blankly. “I’m telling you now, being friends with me is mostly just us being silent ninety-seven percent of the time.”

“Will you consider us being friends if I’m fine with it?”

I sigh as I finish the sandwiches. “I’ll take that as a yes.” Yonghee flashes his teeth at me and goes back to reading. I place my arms behind my head and lean back on it. This won’t last long I’m sure.


	4. My Hand?

“Yonghee, your only chance at living would be to get surgery. Else, the flower will just continue to grow until you suffocate from it.” I lift my head and was about to cover both ears with the very same pillow my head rested on until I heard Yonghee respond, voice raised.

“I told you already, no. That’s final.”

I turn to the other side and try to fall back to sleep, only to hear our doctor sigh out loud. “Fine. But I’m giving you more time to think things over before I let you sign.”

“It’s going to be a waste of time, doc. We both know we don’t have any more time in our hands.”

“It just so happens that the amount of time I’m giving you to think about it is within your life-span so you’ll be fine.” I could hear Yonghee hum, and it sounded like he was amused. “Okay.”

Footsteps follow after that, gradually fading out as they exit the room.

* * *

Screw this, I’m going out.

I covered myself with whatever was hanging on the edge of my bed so long as I could just keep myself from shivering non-stop while out there. It’s as you guessed it, another nightmare with just two hours of sleep in and maybe several minutes of me hurling out cherry blossom petals.

I turn the corner and stop in my tracks to see Yonghee in a slight daze, the same way he stared at me when we first met, at the blinking lights wrapped around the Christmas Tree. What was he doing here?

I hold my jacket by its seams and wrap it around me tightly once more before claiming the empty seat next to the younger. “You’re up.” I state matter-of-factly.

“Yeah, well, it’s just one of those nights, you know.” He nods at me and I return the gesture. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

I wasn’t wrong. If I really were to be with a friend, it would always be spending time together in silence ninety-seven percent of the time, as we both are doing right now.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Yonghee faces me with a small smile forming on his face, the glowing white lights reflecting off of it too. “Nightmares.” I quickly respond, earning a slow nod from the boy. “You keep apologizing in your dreams.”

“You heard me?”

“Every time. Though I seem to be the only one who hears it.”

“You should have forgiven me then. I’m sure my apologies were more than enough.” We don’t know what exactly it was, but we both feel something cold pass by. Our hands reach for our jackets and wrap them around ourselves tightly, chuckling at each other before going back to the uncomfortable state of being silent with each other.

“How about you?” My body shifts to slightly turn towards him as he shrugs nonchalantly. “Had way too many thoughts that it was filling the room to the brim, so I had to get out of there.” 

“Room wouldn’t be able to handle it?”

“Yeah.” He whispers with a grin. 

I admit, it really can be overwhelming. Imagine having your life planned ahead of you, but it all comes crashing down when suddenly, you get diagnosed by such a stupid but inevitable disease. It’s stupid because how could such a disease exist? 

You’re already heartbroken enough you could die, and this thing comes along to prove that you really can die of it. And when you know you are about to die and certain about it, that gets delayed too.

It’ll all be over eventually.

Yonghee gets up and in a flash, I unconsciously grab his wrist. We both stare at our hands in shock and I let go of it immediately. “Sorry, force of habit. Where are you going?”

“Somewhere happy. Wanna come with?”

“I didn’t know you could find happiness in this type of place?” I squint my eyes at him as he stifles in his laughter. “That’s because you locked the world out the moment you knew you were sick.” He looks away the moment I drop my eyes to the floor, and we both didn’t say anything for a while.

“I can guarantee though,” I raise my head to see a hand extended towards me. “It’s just pure joy in there.” It takes me a few seconds, but I eventually return the smile and take his hand.

* * *

For some odd reason, Yonghee decides to drag us to this so called somewhere by the means of using the stairs. What’s worse is I literally got dragged there because of how Yonghee was dashing down the stairs with me in tow, not considering the amount of effort exerted might be taking a toll on our lungs later on.

By the time we get there, a family consisting of at least seven members were crowding against the transparent window of, I tilt my head up to look at the room’s label, the Newborn Nursery.

It wasn’t long until they slowly retreated to the elevators, so Yonghee and I were next to stand on the other side of the window. I hide a small smile to myself. Of course, almost everyone looked at babies whenever they were sad. It just so happened that Yonghee was spending almost all of his time here. How convenient must that be for him.

“Hyung,” He whispers, and squeezes the hand that I realize, had not been let go of since the moment we came here. “Look.” He points with his free hand to the baby squirming. We both giggle silently afraid to wake the other babies up, as though they would actually even hear it.

“I know, it’s the typical go-to place for someone who was feeling down. It’s probably of no surprise to you.” He was still staring at the baby who is now fast asleep, his own smile slowly taking a rest as well, gradually fading away. “But I can’t help but feel a sense of comfort radiating off this place, knowing..” He trails off, looking down.

I stay silent, not wanting to ruin his thoughts with my input. “Knowing the people staying behind in that ward are choosing to go, without wanting to let go of the precious memories they hold. In their minds and technically, their lungs.”

“These tiny people however,” He presses a hand against the glass, before pointing again to another baby who seems to be smiling. “Did not choose to be here, yet have a whole life ahead of them.”

“Just...Just get the flower removed then?”

“Weren’t you listening earlier?”  
“What?” I manage to say, despite the shock. Did he know I was listening to his and the doctor’s conversation earlier? Was I too obvious? Did I move around too much or..?

“Like I said, the people staying behind in that ward are choosing to go without wanting to let go of the precious memories they hold of loving someone. I am one of those people. Aren’t you one of them as well?”

“Not quite.” I mumble. Yonghee nods hesitantly before he starts, “Well no matter the reason, you’re still stuck with what you feel for this person until your very last breath, just like the rest of us.”

“I guess I am.”

“Me and you, then.” We both look at each other and I squeeze his hand. “Me and you.” He looks down at it with the warm smile coming back. “And maybe everyone else too.” He adds.

He stays like that for a while, before the smile drops and he was about to pull his hand away but before he could do so, I place another hand over it and give it another squeeze.

I meet his curious eyes with my smiling ones, trying to reassure him silently that it was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have not updated in ages but hello i'm slowly coming back to this ahaha :')  
> 

**Author's Note:**

> as always, Yell at me (or with me :D) on [Twitter!!](https://twitter.com/baessthetics)  
> and leave prompts on my [cc](https://curiouscat.me/baessthetics) too if you want :>>
> 
> your feedback is always appreciated!! thank you for reading :> I hope you like it !!


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